The news from the front is grim. The number of people falling foul of this deadly plague is increasing rapidly. I am depressed. I had hoped this would all be over by the Guineas race card, but that is clearly not going to be the case… The situation is worse than anything I could imagine, and my prep school teacher – Mrs Cobb – said I had a very vivid imagination for my age (11 I think) when she caught me behind the bike sheds with a well thumbed copy of Razzle magazine…
It’s like being stuck indoors with measles – except everyone is stuck indoors. At prep school when the curse struck we were given board games to while away the hours once the Razzle was confiscated. I fish out my old childhood stock and attempt to introduce Mitzi to some early British culture. But the Cluedo has most of it’s cards missing so it’s always Miss Scarlett in the library with a lead pipe. The Monopoly has very little Chance, half the properties are gone and the money is well short – too much like real life for my liking… and Mousetrap has no mouse and my 1/32nd scale model of a Seaforth Highlander won’t fit in the cage…
So we abandon Waddington’s finest and deplete my Gin stock further while Mitzi tells me about her young life overseas…
Normally I wouldn’t be interested, but the current cultural wilderness needs a bit of bolstering. It turns out she is not from Eastern Europe at all, but Greece! It just goes to show racial stereotyping is not all it’s cracked up to be! It also turns out she hasn’t had sex with anyone else for years. She just shows some cleavage on the Interweb for a few bob to supplement her meager salary as a chat-line hostess… She earns her money talking about it and showing it but not actually doing it! What a fascinating modern World we live in. Virtual sex!
When I Inquire as to why she told me she couldn’t earn money with social distancing in place, she explains (rather patronizingly I thought) that the chat line call center was closed and they couldn’t work from home because of the Data Protection Act. I pretend to understand but I haven’t got a clue what’s she is talking about. Surely all she needs is a phone?
Bulk and The Devil 