For once the half-arsed approach Boris Bunter & the Fourth Form take to everything they touch seems to be paying off. Having realized they hadn’t put enough of any particular make of bat-flu fixant on the shopping list for 120 million doses – presumably because they were hedging their bets & our currency – and not having the volumes of any one product to give the voters 2 shots, they went for broke & decided to ignore the boffins and dole out only 1 shot each in the short term.
I know they were between a rock & a hard head in this circumstance, but it’s the way they skulk around decisions, pretending they know what they are doing & that it’s all down to British exceptionalism that is so embarassing. Everyone knows the buggers muddle is largely due to incompetence in the fourth form dorm and piss-poor planning, but some pretend otherwise, some blame the twice cursed foreigners and the rest of us just raise our eye-brows and reach for Dr Gordon’s electric soup and vent our spleen on Twatter.
So far whenever the leadership have got ahead of, or diverged from, the egg-heads prognosts the science and maths usually run them over. But not – it seems – this time. Those who know have been gazing into the test tubes and have announced that a 1 shot jab is making a difference. Hoo-bloody-ray for our side.
The remove have also doubled this up with just enough signed orders for different fixatives to keep the whole ball rolling having handed the detail over to the Army & NHS to get it done. It’s bloody refreshing to see professionals delivering on a ‘shot in the dark’ policy for once. They owe some of this good fortune to an old City sparring partner of mine in the Private Money World – Cat Bingham – who might be a 24 Carat lead pipe Capitalist, but she knows her way around a test tube having trained as a boffin at Oxford and was a shrewd appointment from Bunter who normally only knows how to put a square-peg in a round hole.
Cat would be in line for a statue now – along with dear old Major Tom – if she hadn’t been caught trying to tip some public cash into her cousin’s-husband’s-nephew’s PR company. But once a hood always a hood as my old probation master used to say!
The Treble then came up for Boris with our neighbours across the Channel making a complete Horlicks of their own Bat glue plans. I don’t know if it’s Boris & the Remove bringing everyone down to their level, but Von Leider-hosen and her inner circle got caught short by the speed of the vaccine release and a gerbil dying at the glue factory to threaten EU supplies of the stuff. To cover their panic the muscles from Brussels then set about hi-jacking some British supplies & drowning the whole thing in paperwork, just in case the Eurotrash weren’t as forgiving as the British of their Government cock-ups and voted with their Molotov Cocktails (mine’s a large one comrade!).
If ever the soft red taped under-belly of EU intransigence was exposed to a raw British public still shell-shocked by Brexit, this was the moment. The real crime here is that it made our Government & the Brexit farce look sane. No mean feat for an organization that prides itself on common sense & good filing!
For once economies of scale didn’t work & it’s made British Sovereignty look like it’s won an award, while deflecting from all the other issues like Irish borders, empty shelves & the UK’s worse economic performance in Europe since I spent my tuck money in the first week of the Christmas half because I thought buying everyone in class a Jamboree bag would make me popular!
Bunter & the Form were strangely reluctant to crow over the EU mess & he was almost diplomatic in his handling of the affair. Which just goes to show how badly he ‘s cocked up elsewhere – presumably over the imaginary Irish border – and needs Von Leider-Hosen, Barmier et al to bail him out!
But at least he maybe learning to link cause & effect to different issues, rather than make outrageous claims, get caught, bluster & then get very, very, very drunk. Maybe the Owl of the Remove is growing up a bit. But in any event he is still Bunter!
Bulk and The Devil 